SNURCH UNDERCOVER: TERRORISTS STEAL FELDMAN’S FACE – BOMB TIMES SQUARE

SNURCH UNDERCOVER:  TERRORISTS STEAL FELDMAN’S FACE – BOMB TIMES SQUARE

Snurch has uncovered shocking evidence of a terrorist plot being waged on America that uses faces harvested from beloved former child stars transplanted onto the bodies of willing jihadists.   Their first target, Times Square…the weapon…… Corey Feldman.

As best as the Snurch team can surmise, the real Feldman was abducted and replaced by a Faisal Shazhad/Feldman hybrid sometime between 1992 and 1995, or for Feldman fans, that would be somewhere between Meatballs 4 and Dream a Little Dream 2.

The exact date of the switcheroo is unknown.  However, the below pictures, snurched from different sources, show how astonishingly advanced face-off technology has become.  Snurch forensic experts were able to discern between Feldman, and what is known in Pakistani terrorist circles as “Feldar”, in 4 of the 5 pictures.  However, by the time the experts reached, what is believed to be the most recently taken picture, they could not discern between Feldman and  his freedom-hating counterpart.

Feldman Unmasked!

After the surgery, “Feldar” was reinserted into his America life.   However, there was an adjustment period, which may account for “Feldman’s” erratic behavior on the tv reality show,  The Surreal Life.  It  may also explain Feldman’s errant musical forays, including the band, Truth Movement.

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Though difficult, Feldar learned to use Feldman’s face like a ruthless killer, ending with the failed bombing attempt on Times Square.  Authorities were led to Feldar, after a report that someone matching Feldman’s description got into a skirmish with an Olive Garden bartender, culminating in Feldman screaming, “Do you know who f%&k I am?”

It is thought that an earlier model of Feldar was tested years earlier, perhaps best evinced in the following clip, for which a Snurch staffer gave his life.  We should also caution you that watching the following clip doesn’t really add much to the story.  It is really long.  It will involve the willful waste of almost 5 minutes of your life.  Seriously, you’re not going  to get that time back….ever.

The scope of this mass deception is unknown.  But the Snurch staffers are currently investigating similar claims of face theft from Saved by the Bell‘s, Dustin Diamond and The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air‘s, Alfonso Ribeiro.

snurchaz@gmail.com